We've been back in the States for a few days now. It snowed the day after we got home. I felt a little like we had been dropped into our own snow globe. It is beautiful here. And, the snow kept the place quiet. Although, I did make a trip to town for groceries.
There were a few key things we all missed while traveling in Ecuador. Mostly, these things were food items. The top of the list: good cheese....as in a good cheese plate with a nice fig jam and some crackers. Second on the list: arugula.
The other thing I realized I missed, and would have never guessed it, the mundane parts of my day I take for granted....listening to NPR while I snack on that cheese plate, drinking wine and making a meal for my family. I'm usually alone, sometimes there's company for parts of the process. But usually, its just me. It's time I look forward to. It's a steady in the day. I missed this. I guess I mean I missed my life. I appreciate it now just a little more, and that feels great. I missed being part of the middle-class arugula-eating, NPR-listening, America, bourgeois.
I also missed the first 2 episodes of Downton and the season opener of Sherlock Holmes (have I mentioned the BBC obsession?). Of course, there is no time wasted catching up. It still does get dark here so early in January.
All over the internet, I've been seeing years in review. I'm not quite interested in looking back at 2013. It felt like a good year, it ended well. All I can really remember is that I turned 40. (sometimes its all about me). Somedays, I get mired down in my new decade...40. Like yesterday, at Whole Foods. I was noticing all these mamas with young babies.
For a second I thought to myself gosh these momma are all like teenagers, they're so young. Then, I realized they're probably average for new moms. Its me who's aging. There's this wrinkle between my eyebrows that won't go away, making me look a little angry all the time. Any thoughts on Botox? And, I sobbed watching some stupid Rom-Com flick on the plane in the middle of the night coming home. It was about this middle aged woman whose daughter is leaving for college. It felt a little too close, in a way I don't usually relate to Rom-Coms. Granted, I was feeling a little fragile, tired on the red-eye flight and sad to be leaving our winter vacation. But, I think I'm also feeling big transitions coming for 2014. Emma leaves home and I know its time. I know she's ready. I'm ready....I hate saying that. I think I'm saying it as an affirmation more than anything because I'm really not at all ready. It's like my most precious seedling is going out into the big field, the one I've been cultivating in the safety of the greenhouse for ever. Out in the field, I don't know so much about how things happen. My place has been in the greenhouse, mothering all those babes. But her roots are strong....by golly she's rootbound. I can't believe she'll be 18 in a few weeks. That of course means I'm old enough to have an 18 year old daughter, implying again my age and circling back around to the whole decade birthday thing, and making it about me. I really do want to age gracefully.
For a second I thought to myself gosh these momma are all like teenagers, they're so young. Then, I realized they're probably average for new moms. Its me who's aging. There's this wrinkle between my eyebrows that won't go away, making me look a little angry all the time. Any thoughts on Botox? And, I sobbed watching some stupid Rom-Com flick on the plane in the middle of the night coming home. It was about this middle aged woman whose daughter is leaving for college. It felt a little too close, in a way I don't usually relate to Rom-Coms. Granted, I was feeling a little fragile, tired on the red-eye flight and sad to be leaving our winter vacation. But, I think I'm also feeling big transitions coming for 2014. Emma leaves home and I know its time. I know she's ready. I'm ready....I hate saying that. I think I'm saying it as an affirmation more than anything because I'm really not at all ready. It's like my most precious seedling is going out into the big field, the one I've been cultivating in the safety of the greenhouse for ever. Out in the field, I don't know so much about how things happen. My place has been in the greenhouse, mothering all those babes. But her roots are strong....by golly she's rootbound. I can't believe she'll be 18 in a few weeks. That of course means I'm old enough to have an 18 year old daughter, implying again my age and circling back around to the whole decade birthday thing, and making it about me. I really do want to age gracefully.
Mostly, when I get beyond myself and my own personal age related fantasies, I'm looking forward to 2014, ever the optimistic farmer. I'm ready to put all the seed orders together, pick out the date for the chicks and the piglets to arrive and have the vet visit to see if the cow is bred. I'm ready to get back to work. In a few weeks, we'll fire up the greenhouse wood stove and get some plant babies going. Tomorrow, we have a load of appointments and interviews for new interns. The work of winter farming commences for these farmers with plenty of that mundane I was missing.
It's all so hopeful, the routine, the start of a new season. It always is. And, once that greenhouse is going, I can get some arugula started while streaming NPR in the greenhouse. I think my arugula likes to listen to All Songs Considered.
It's all so hopeful, the routine, the start of a new season. It always is. And, once that greenhouse is going, I can get some arugula started while streaming NPR in the greenhouse. I think my arugula likes to listen to All Songs Considered.
And, if you want to help us pay for college, join us for the 2014 season, purchase a produce or flower share. My mom suggested we try crowd-sourcing to help Emma pay for college tuition....this is as good as it gets.
Blessings on the meal-
Stacy
Yes, those mundane little bits of life that weave together, seamlessly shaping the fabric of our days. Who would have thought those little things would be missed when they are absent? I just found your blog entirely by accident, but isn't that how it works? And I do recognize your wonderful writing from Taproot magazine. I think you are living my dream career...perhaps in another chapter of my life, though. I have one year on you, but my trio of littles are between the ages of 3 and 8. That inevitable day of opening my arms wide to send forth the firstborn seems a long ways away ~ though I know I'm just distracting myself from the truth. That day will be here in the blink of an eye, I know.
ReplyDeletexo Jules
P.S. It made me smile to know you missed arugula while on your vacation. It won't be long now, despite the snow.